As long as you love me
by nicki99
Summary: When Bella asks Jacob to kiss her on the Mountain in Eclipse, she only sees it as a last resort to keep him from leaving. When the kiss awakens feelings, will she show them to the world or will she bury them even deeper inside herself?
1. Chapter 1

Jacob POV

"You're marrying him?" I look at her in disbelief. She looks up quickly.

"Jake I…" Her voice trails off. She stands still for a moment and then looks accusingly at _him_.

"You knew he was listening!"

"He deserves to know." The leech murmurs softly. I turn around and start walking away. Away. That's where I want to go. I try to ignore the searing pain in my chest, but it's impossible. Yesterday, just yesterday I thought I might have a chance. All hope is lost now. She is marrying the leech. He's going to turn her into a bloodsucking freak. I refuse myself to cry. Not now. I storm through the woods as she calls my name.

"Jake please!" She pleads. I turn around to face her. Her face is drawn and crumpled.

"I'm done." I'm surprised to find my voice even and strong. "I'm so done!"

"Wha-what can I do?" Her voice is so infinitely sad it breaks my heart again to hear it. But I won't be fooled. As soon as she convinces me to stay she'll run right back into the arms of her precious little bloodsucker.

"You can't do anything!" I clench my fists and try to make myself calm down. Even if she doesn't choose me I could never hurt her. I'd never forgive myself. I love her too much.

"But I can. By going out there and killing something!"

"No, don't do that! Just calm down, you're not thinking clearly!" She looks franticly at me.

"Or maybe I'll just get myself killed and make it simple for you." She takes a quick step towards me.

"No just…" She struggles to find the right words. "Jake, stay!" Her voice is strong, but I can see through her mask so easily.

"Why?" I take a few big steps towards her. "Give me one good reason!" I need to hear her say it. I'm standing so close I can hear her heartbeat. The heartbeat that will about a month from now be quiet.

"Because I don't want to lose you!" I see how she is struggling to not have to say those three words I want her so desperately to say. I shake my head slightly.

"That's not good enough" I stand still.

"Because you're too important!" I look at her, and for the third time my heart breaks. She won't admit it.

"Still not good enough." I turn around and walk away. I feel the tears pricking at the corner of my eyes, but I manage to keep them in. Why can't she just admit she loves me? Even if she chooses him she could still give me something to hold on to. Just the fact that she does love me would be enough.

"Jacob!" Her voice is so full of despair and hurt that I can't will myself to keep walking. I stop, but I don't turn around. One look at her face and I might change my mind.

"Kiss me!" The words take me by surprise. I turn and look at her in disbelief. Her voice was so desperate that it might just be a temporary solution until she finds something else to say, but I can't ignore her request.

"I'm asking you, to kiss me." Her voice is much more collected now. She looks meaningly at me and I take three long steps up to her. I gently grab her waist and look into her eyes for confirmation. She gives a slight nod and I lean in and kiss her deeply.

BPOV

As he leans in to kiss me I feel my heart racing. The kiss is so unlike any other I've had with Edward. Edward's kisses are always careful, but at the same time very urgent. Jacob's lips are soft and warm. It seems as if though he has all the time in the world, only he wants to make the most of it. He kisses me deeply and softly while his hands pushes my body tighter against his. I feel something stirring deep inside me. It's a feeling I have never experienced before. A warmth that has nothing to do with Jakes body temperature spreads through my body. I never want this kiss to end. Something deep inside me is also telling me that this is wrong, that I need to stop, that I'm hurting Edward, but I push it away. For once I don't want to think about consequences or repercussions. I enjoy the extreme heat radiating from his muscular body. Far too soon Jacob breaks the kiss.

"I have to go." I gaze longingly as he disappears down the mountain. A cold wind brings me back to reality. I turn back to the tent while trying to figure out what to say to Edward, if I should say anything at all. I think the thought that I have forbidden myself to think: I love Jacob. It seems rather simple now that I form the thoughts in my mind. I love him, and not just as a friend. But my pressing question remains: Who do I love the most? And I know the answer to that too. But I don't dare to think it. As soon as I break through trees to the clearing and I see Edward's face I see that he knows.

"You saw?" My voice is breaking.

"No but, Jacobs thoughts are very loud." He gives me a half-hearted attempt at a smile, but it only hurts me.

"I don't know what happened." It's true. I have no idea.

"You love him." He looks sadly at me. I know that he wants me to deny it, or say that I still choose him, but I can't. He waits for me to say something and when I remain quiet I see his heart break. All the pain flickers by his face in the blink of an eye, and then his face has the same blank expression as before, only this time his eyes are hollow. That's the thing with Edward; he doesn't get mad. He becomes hollow, which is much worse.

"I'm sorry." Is all I can say. I have some explaining to do.


	2. Chapter 2

Jacob POV

She's standing in my doorway. Her soft brown hair falls gently off her shoulders as she shakes her head. Her eyes are red from crying.

"Oh Jake, I'm so sorry!" she whispers. Then she breaks into tears. Her petite body is shaking with heavy sobs.

"Hey, come here." I say softly. She walks up to me slowly. She sits next to my bed. I begin stroking her hair as she sobs.

"Shhh, it's okay."

"No it isn't!" she exclaims. "I should never have kissed you!" Her voice is so full of regret my heart shrinks.

"Why?" I ask. I really did think she wanted it. Guess I was wrong. Again.

"If I hadn't kissed you, you would never have gotten hurt! You wouldn't be lying here, writhing in pain! " Her voice is loud now. I feel a slight relief that _that_ was the reason, but it's overridden by concern once I see the look on her face. She really does blame herself.

"Bella I…" I try, but it's futile.

"I have to leave, otherwise you'll convince me it wasn't my fault. I'm so sorry Jacob. Please forgive me. I love you." She whispers the last part. She then gets up and heads for the door.

"Bella, listen to me! If you hadn't kissed me I'd be dead! I would have killed myself!" She turns around, facing me.

"No, you wouldn't have." Her voice is a barely audible whisper. Still, she walks up to me. With great difficulty I sit up. She comes and sits next to me on the bed.

"Did he see?" I ask, trying to change the subject. She shakes her head.

"He heard your thoughts though. He said they were very loud." She meets my gaze.

"Sorry. What did he say?" I ask, hoping he hadn't blamed her for it.

"Not much."

"Was he mad?" She shakes her head.

"He just said that he hoped I'll still choose him." Her voice is breaking again.

"Will you?" I can't hide the anxious tone in my voice. I want her so badly to choose me in front of that parasite.

"No." _ No! She said no!_ My entire body erupts in euphoria until I realise there is another vital element.

"Does that mean you choose me?" Her face is so endlessly sad when she utters the word.

"Yes." Her whisper sends my mouth into a gleeful smile. My smile must be contagious, because soon she's smiling too. I lean closer to her body, and I look deeply into her beautiful eyes. She leans in and kisses me. And of course, I kiss her back.

She stays with me until I'm fully recovered. About two weeks after the battle I'm all better. We are walking along the beach when she starts the conversation.

"I have to tell Edward." We both know what she is referring to.

"Yeah, you do." I agree. "When?"

"I think it's best if I tell him today." She says with a sigh. I nod.

"Do you want me to come with you?" I ask. She shakes her head.

"I think it will be better if we don't have a vampire-werewolf smack down." I laugh bitterly. It was off course intended as a joke, but I can't ignore the fact that it could happen.

"Yeah. Let's avoid that." I say grimly.

"I should probably go. I'll be back at three." I give her a slight nod and a quick kiss.

"I love you." I whisper in her ear.

"Love you too." Her voice is almost carried away with the wind blowing up from the ocean. I sit down at the water's edge as she walks away.

Bella POV

I wait in the woods where we decided to meet. I look down at my watch and when I look up he's standing right in front of me.

"Hey." He says. I nod.  
"How's Jacob?" It doesn't look like he gives a damn about Jacob. He just wants to start the conversation.

"Jake is fine." I see him flinch at the fact that I called him Jake. It must mean we're not fighting.

"But we're not." I gesture at the two of us. He looks questioningly at me.

"Why?" His voice is so soft. This is going to be harder than I thought.

"I love him." I reply lamely. It's true. I do love Jake. More than anything. More than I love Edward.

"Do you still love me?" The question takes me by surprise. I do love Edward, only not like _that._

"I do." I say.

"Then what's the problem?" His eyes have gained back their light. He smiles widely, leans in and tries to kiss me.

"No, Edward." I say, pushing him away. I look into his eyes. "I don't think you understand. I choose Jacob!" Something dark crosses his face. In the blink of an eye he raise his hand and slaps me hard across my face. I fall down onto the ground. Then he sits down on top of me.

"Say you love me more than him!" I shake my head vigorously. He then sinks his nails deep into the flesh of my left shoulder. I try to scream, but he covers my mouth. I wish I would pass out, but unfortunately I have no such luck.

"You don't deserve to be happy!" He lowers his head and places his mouth at my throat.

"You don't deserve to live!" He whispers against my throat. I feel the horror pumping through my veins. I don't want to be a vampire. Not anymore. Not now that I have Jake. I stare as he draws back his lips. A low growl is building up in his throat. Right when he is about to bite his body stiffens. And then he's gone. I lay still until I'm sure he is. I let out a loud sob and then I sink into unconsciousness.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hi everyone! I'm debating on whether to continue this story or not. I started writing this fic about a year ago when I was obsessed with Twilight. I'm out of that phase and I'm working on some divergent fics. I'll give you a slightly satisfying ending, should I end it, soon. Until next time,**

**XOXO**

**-Nicki**

Jacob POV

I look at the clock that hangs on the wall in the kitchen. It's half past 5. Bella was supposed to be back at three. I pick up my phone for what must be the twentieth time and call her. One ring… two rings… and so it goes on until I reach her voicemail. Just like the other nineteen times. It's not like Bella to not answer her phone. It's one thing to have it turned off. I decide to wait another ten minutes. After about thirty seconds my phone rings and I'm disappointed to find a number I do not recognise. I press answer and lift the phone to my ear.

"Jake, it's Alice Cullen." Alice's voice is panicked. I can feel the fear starting to engulf me. Fear that something has happened to Bella. Alice has visions. She must have seen something.

"Edward is going to hurt Bella, or maybe he already has. I don't know!" Her voice is on the point of hysteria. I can feel the fear being almost completely overridden by anger. I stand up and head for the door.

"Where?" My voice comes out as a low growl. I slam the door shut as I call for a meeting with the others in the pack.

"I don't know. In a forest somewhere. That's all I saw." I slam my thumb on the hang up button. I let my rage take control of my body. I start running. I can see the others emerging from other parts of the woods. I leap into the air and when I land I land on all fours. I let out a roar of rage. I can hear the others in my head, telling me to calm down. I take a deep breath. It works. Kind of.

_We have to look for her! Now! _I demand.

_Jake's right _Sam commands. _Leah, Jared, Embry and Quil, you check the west side. Jake, Paul and I check the east._

_Thanks _I think.

_You would do the same for me._

We take off. I run as fast as I can. The wind is tearing at my fur. Usually when I run it's the wind I love the most, the way it tears at my fur and howls in my ears. Now I only see it as an obstacle keeping me from her. Keeping me from Bella. Suddenly I can smell her. I stop and start sniffing at the ground. Sam and Paul do the same. As we come closer to her house the scent intensifies. I can smell the wonderful smell of Bella, but something else as well. I can smell blood, fear but most importantly: Vampire. I can hear Paul growling as soon as I pick up the scent.

_Jake! She's here._ Paul and I run to were Sam is. I turn back to human and put on my shorts. That's when I see her. She is lying in a small puddle of blood which is dripping from her shoulder. I sink down to my knees and cradle her body in my arms.

"Bella" I whisper. "Who did this to you?" I already know the answer, of course, but I need to hear her say it. She opens her eyes.

"Jake." Her eyes are staring widely at me. I repeat my question.

"It was him, Jake." Her whisper is so soft it could have been the wind. A single tear rolls down her cheek. Her body stiffens as she says his name. As does mine.

"Edward."

_Jake, we need to get her to the hospital. _Sam's thought feels distant, somehow lost in the emotions inside me fighting for dominance: Relief floods at me. She's ok. The leech hasn't killed her. Fear is crashing down like the waves down at La Push. What if she doesn't make it? What if he decides to hurt her again? But the strongest emotion is without a doubt anger. No, not anger: Rage. I want to kill him more than I ever have before. I want him to suffer a thousand times worse than Bella did.

_Jake, calm down! _Sam's words anger me even more. I can feel my control slipping away. The animal part of me is clawing at my body from the inside, and I want to let it out.

_Would you calm down if it was Emily? _I fill my thought with as much contempt as possible.

_You might hurt her._ Sam is still calm. He's right. I take a deep breath and focus on the task ahead: Taking her to the hospital. I gingerly pick her up and cradle her like a child. We start walking towards town.

Jared, Leah, Embry and Quil meet up with us as we go. They ask Sam questions and he answers them, just like nothing happened.

"What are we going to tell people happened?" Embry's question catches me off guard.

"We'll tell them it was an animal attack. Lynx maybe. Or a small bear." Sam replies.

"What?" I snarl. "We tell them it was him!" I stare at Sam.

"No Jake. We can't let people know!"

"Know what?" I can't help it, I'm shouting now. Bella lets out a moan and I instantly try to comfort her.

"Shhh, shhh it's okay, go back to sleep." I whisper gently. She closes her eyes and becomes quiet.

"Know what?" I repeat, lower this time.

"That he is a vampire. No normal human could have slapped her that hard." Leah snarls. I nod slowly. They are right. If we expose them we would break the treaty. Not that I wouldn't love to break the treaty just so I can rip Cullen's head from his shoulders.

We arrive at the hospital at about half past 6. I make sure she is well taken care of. I turn around to talk to Sam when I see Carlisle standing in the hallway.

"Hey Jake!" He sees the look on my face. "Is everything okay?"

"Why don't you ask your son?" I snarl at him. I see the confused look on his face.

"Why?" He seems puzzled.

"He hurt Bella!" Carlisles face becomes if possible even paler.

"Where is he?" I ask. I want to kill Edward so bad. I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn to find Sam standing there.

_It's not Carlisles fault Jake._

"He would never do that." I turn to face Carlisle.

"Ask Bella. She never lies, right?" I spin around and walk into Bella's room.

Bella POV

I'm standing in the woods behind my house. I tell myself not to close my eyes or look down, but of course I have to check the time. I look down, and when I look up he's standing there. He leans in and sinks his hungry teeth into my neck. I scream. I open my eyes widely. I'm lying in a white room with lots of machines beeping everywhere. I look around and to my delight I see Jake, sitting with his head hanging. He is sleeping.

"Jake." I whisper. "Jake!" I say, louder this time. He looks up, blinking in the bright light. He sees me and his face breaks into a wide smile. He is standing beside my bed. His face then becomes grim with concern.

"Are you okay?" His question seems silly, but I'm glad he asked. I can feel the tears welling up inside me. I shake my head and suddenly I can't hold it back anymore. I cry. Jake gingerly sits down at the foot of my bed and starts stroking my hand. When it seems as if I'm out of tears Jake leans in and kisses me on my forehead.

"Will you tell me what happened?" His whisper is so soft, but I don't want to tell him. Well, it's not him that's the problem, it's me. I don't want to relive it, just like in my dreams. If I would ever want to tell anyone, it would definitely be Jake. I shake my head, but suddenly I can't stop myself. I tell him everything that happened. I cry a lot, and he comforts me a lot. When I get to the part where he is about to bite me I feel Jakes grip on my hand tighten. When I've told him everything up until I blacked out I feel drained of energy, as if I had run a marathon. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

Jacob POV

I sit quietly at the foot of her bed until her breathing has become even and calm. I try to progress what she just told me. He hurt her because she chose me. He tried to kiss her and got mad when she said no. He tried to bite her. The thought sends chills along my spine. I have only one question: Why did he stop? It's not that I'm mad that he didn't turn or kill her. The mere thought of Bella as a vampire makes me want to throw up. As for the thought of her being dead, it rips me to pieces to even consider it. There must be reason as to why he stopped. Did he hear something? Did he realise he was doing something wrong? I shake my head slightly at the thought. Someone who does this kind of thing to someone they say they love can't realise that they're doing something wrong. They can't even realise the effect it has on people. I stand up carefully, not wanting to wake Bella. I decide to find Sam. I need to talk to him. I see Leah and Embry standing by the coffee machine, holding a steaming cup each.

"Hey!" I say. They turn around and look at me. "You guys seen Sam?"

"I think he and Paul went out for some air." Embry gestures swiftly towards the exit.

_Paul lost his temper a little. _Leah winks at me and then turns away. I walk across the room and out into the evening air.

I see Sam sitting on a bench next to a big oak tree. He's biting his nails with a grim look on his face.

"What are we going to do about Cullen?" He looks up quickly. He looks apologetically at me and I can hear his answer before he says it.

"We can't do anything. He didn't break the treaty." I can feel the anger welling up in my chest at his statement. I take a deep breath and will myself to calm down. It doesn't work.

"So we are just going to let him roam free?" I'm shouting again. An elderly couple on a bench across the road is staring at us. Sam sighs deeply and I instantly regret being angry.

"We'll come up with something, Jake." I sit down next to him on the bench.

"What if he tries to hurt her again?" I put a lot of weight on the word _tries_. I'm never going to let that leech touch her again. Never.

"Bella will basically move to La Push." He says grimly. He then smiles. "But I doubt that she will have anything against that. From what I hear she really likes your bed." He chuckles and I punch him playfully in the arm. His laughter soon dies out.

"You okay?" He just shakes his head. "Why?" I ask him. He sits still for a moment and then looks up at me.

"Am I as bad him?" The question takes me by surprise. He sighs deeply and then continues.

"I hurt Emily. He hurt Bella. I love Emily, he loves Bella…"

"No!" I interrupt him. "He does _not_ love Bella!"

"You know what I mean. I did the exact same thing that he did. Shouldn't I be hated by everyone too?" His voice is laced with disgust. I shake my head.

_No. He had a choice to hurt her. You didn't. Emily was an accident. Bella wasn't. Besides, the fact that you regret it shows that you really care about Emily. I really doubt that Cullen just tripped and 'wow, whoopsie daisy I almost killed my girlfriend.' _Sam chuckles darkly_._

"I'm really sorry about Bella. I truly wish she hadn't been put through that." I can hear from his thoughts that he means it. I nod. I then hear my phone ringing. I pull it out of my pocket and check the number. It's Charlie. I hand the phone to Sam. He gives me a questioning look.

_Charlie._ He nods and places the phone at his ear.

"Hey, it's Sam." He says. I can hear Charlies calm collected police voice.

"Hey Sam. Have you seen Bella?" Sam takes a deep breath.

"She's at the hospital." I can now hear Charlie panicking loud and clear.

"Why? What happened?" I can hear him slamming a door in the background.

"Animal attack." Sam then hangs up and hands me my phone.

_I better warn Bella. _Sam nods, with the grim expression he wore earlier yet again conquering his face. I stand up and walk back into the hospital.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry I haven't updated in **_**forever**_**, but I have had the flu and my friend broke up with his gf, so I've been spending some extra time with him. I've also been training waterpolo 8 times a week, since we will be playing for Swedish gold, aka being Swedish champion, this weekend. I am probably going to end this story in the next few chapters. Oh well, hope none of you really liked it and were hoping for a long one. **

**Xoxo**

**-Nicki **

BPOV

I'm once again standing in the woods behind my house. I look down to check the time, and when I look up he's standing there. I try to scream but I seem to have lost the ability to speak. But then something unexpected happens. He turns from me and start walking away. I feel relieved until I see what he is walking towards. Jake. He wears an incredibly pained look on his face as he calls my name. Edward walks up behind him, wraps his arms around Jakes head and then snaps his neck. I awake with a start. I lay still for a moment. I feel like I'm being watched. I sit up quickly when I see her standing in the doorway. Alice. I smile at the sight of her face until I realise why she must be here. To say goodbye. My smile falters and I can feel the tears welling up behind my eyes.

"Do you want me to leave?" Her voice is so incredibly soft. I shake my head vigorously. She walks up to me and sits down at the foot of my bed.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." She sighs deeply. "I'm so sorry he did this to you, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." I furrow my brows in confusion.

"I'm sure it's not your fault, Alice." I say, trying to be reassuring. She shakes her head.

"No, it is my fault. I've seen him doing this before!" I look at her in confusion. Her eyes fill with tears.

"Do you remember when you kissed Jake, right before the battle with the newborns?" I blush and nod. Of course I do.

"When Edward heard that, when he heard Jacob's thoughts, something snapped. I had a vision where he fed on you!" Her voice has turned into a howl. She buries her head in her hands and lets out a dry sob.

"But I didn't tell you! I thought that it was just a moment of weakness for him. He loved you so very much. I didn't think he was capable of hurting you!" I sit up and wrap my arms around Alice. She leans in and sobs against my shoulder. We sit still for a moment. Then her body stiffens. Just as I'm about to ask what's wrong she rushes up from my bed and sprints away from my room. I sit still on my bed puzzled, until I see Jake entering the room. It must be him Alice is running from. He walks up to me and embraces me. I grip on tightly, remembering the nightmare I just had.

"You okay?" He whispers in my ear. I nod. He smiles against my shoulder.

"How did you find me?" His smile falters.

"Alice called me. She said that _he _was going to hurt you in some woods somewhere. So I gathered the pack." I nod. Just as I open my mouth to tell him what Alice told me about her visions of Edward I clamp it shut. If Jacob knew he would kill her. Literally. I close my eyes and lean back against the pillows, feeling exhausted.

"Charlie's on his way." I open my eyes widely.  
"What? Jake!" I say accusingly. He chuckles. Just as he is about to say something else Charlie comes charging through the door.

JPOV

"Welcome home!" Bella looks tired, with dark circles under her eyes. She smiles feebly.

"Hi!" Even her voice seems tired. I embrace her and she hugs me back.

"I wish you could have stayed by the hospital." She whispers in my ear. "I slept much better with you by my side!" I chuckle.

"No can do. Duty calls." She smiles. I kiss her lightly on her forehead. I take her hand and gingerly lead her upstairs to her bedroom. She collapses on the bed immediately. I lay down carefully next to her.

"I don't want to sleep." She sounds like a five year old.

"Why? You're exhausted." She turns her head and gazes softly at me.

"I dream about it, Jake!" A single tear rolls down her beautiful cheek. I lift my hand and gingerly wipe it off with my thumb. We lie still for a while, just gazing at each other. I can see how she is struggling to keep her eyes open.

"Why did you choose me?" She looks at me, surprised.

"Because I love you." She says it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. It makes me happy that she takes her love for me for granted.

"I know that. But you loved him too." She stares at me, as if she is having trouble making sense of this conversation.

"He left me. And when he left, you were there. You fixed me, Jake. You fixed the damage he made." She gazes softly at me.

"When did you choose me? You told me earlier that you would always choose Edward." She flinches at his name.

"When you kissed me. The second time. That's when I realised that I loved you." I inch closer and put my arm around her. She snuggles in against my bare chest. I sigh.

"You'll leave me soon." I sit up, letting go of her.

"What?" She smiles sadly at me.

"When I'm all old and wrinkled and you still look like twenty, you'll find a better girl. I won't blame you." I stare at her, almost wanting to laugh because the conversation is so ridiculous. Almost.

"Bella, as long as you love me and as long as you want me, I'll be with you. Even when I'm dead, I'll still love you like I do today." She shakes her head.

"I will. I swear on my soul, that I will always love you." Her eyes fill up with tears.

"I love you Bella." She looks at me, her eyes shining with tears.

"I love you too Jake." She leans in and kisses me on my mouth. She smiles, and then she closes her eyes and falls asleep.

When her breathing is even again I stop stroking her hair. I try to see what I could possibly have done in my life to end up with such an amazing girl.


End file.
